Second Surgery

The surgery that I had in September 2010 did not fix me. In fact, it got so bad that I had to have another surgery--the same thing, a double discectomy--on February 28th. This second time was bad. Real bad. The surgery involved digging out all of the scar tissue before fixing the discs, and there were complications. White blood cells were high, infection, fever. Pain. Massive pain. Pain to the point of breaking. I never knew such pain existed. Pain so excruciating I wanted to die. The fight has been hard, and never-ending. I ended up in the hospital for 3 days instead of just overnight, and I only remember bits and pieces of the time. All I wanted was pain medicine and sleep. Five minutes after they gave me the pain medicine (Dilodin, which is stronger than Morphine), I was crying again. Muscle spasms came and went, and I can't count how many times I screamed out in pain. My poor husband was there through all of it, holding my hand and telling me I was going to be okay. I couldn't have gotten through it without his love and support. He's my world, my heart, my other half. Making it home was a fight in itself--the slightest of bumps on the road made me explode with pain inside, and when we arrived at home, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it inside the house. Eventually, the days became slightly easier to handle, and my amazing friends visited, brought food, and just showed me their love. I truly am grateful for the friends that I have. Each day, the pain goes down a bit, and the closer I come to winning this battle. I can't do this again. This needs to be the last surgery, because I want to be normal again.